A mystery of three pieces of spotted string
MR. Urgen put three pieces of yellow string that were of different lengths and he played with them on the table.
And the workshop started.
He had looked of Scandinavian. He is tall, he has long legs and he has blond hair. It is said he is a clinician in the countryside Northern Germany.
The first thing he showed us was the wonderful way of dealing with the silence of his clients (according to his definition it is kundln).
It is said that e kundln f in German corresponds to a e customerf in English.
The moment I heard this, it reminded me of the image of a type of a customer in the relationship between a therapist and a client that is stated in the Solution Focused Approach (S.F.A) of BFTC.
g In constructivism, all clients were called kundln h, he said.
His words confused me.
I was gradually beginning to get used to S.F.A., g A visitor? A complainant? Where did they go?h the question started to go around in my mind.
My confusion continued until he answered my question that I asked him at the end the workshop.
But the workshop that was full of his passion continued without paying attention to such a thing.
His way of dealing with the silence of three of the people participating in the workshop was the answer to my first question why all the clients, who were not either visitors or complainants, were kundln.
Regarding the three silent people participating in the workshop, he was only waiting | with attaching a message, thinking that g there is a lot of time g
But I felt that his attitude and expression had a strong binding force as if he had induced the client to answer.
They began to talk to him as if keeping silent had been to bear.
In counseling though, it is frequently experienced that the silence of clients makes therapists (though a talkative therapist is particularly so) uneasy, and enables the therapists to have a binding force that makes the clients break the silence.
But if it were kundln, the silence would not make the therapists uneasy.
Urgen said that kundlnfs silence was not because they did not have an answer to a question but because they were thinking about how to answer it.
In German e kundln e means not only a customer but also an expert that has knowledge.
Thatfs why a client that is kundln is an expert who knows about his hopes.
Therefore experts give a message to clients who keep silent that g I know you think seriously, it is important and good h.
Their silence means g not nothing but creation h.
Urgen showed some ways of dealing with clients who said, g I donft know g.
As you know, when the clients say, g I donft know g this has a binding force that makes the motivation of therapists reduce greatly.
The therapists are discouraged whenever they hear g I donft know g, and most therapists come under a lot of attack and feel as if they are useless.
But therapists are never discouraged by the words g I donft know g, as long as he is kundln.
Urgen asks kundln who said g I donft know g, g What answer do you think come out?g, g When you know it? g or g How is it useful if you know it? g.
Kundln can answer under any circumstances.
As long as he is kundln, he canft escape from solution interviews.
Urgen said this: g Please donft answer if you donft want to answer. Because you are concerned about yourself.h
It is useful for me (the therapist) to know this.
If I were in your place, it would also be hard for me to talk about myself to someone I have just met.
Though I may ask you the same question again, if you donft want to answer, donft answer, please g.
If clients donft answer, they will come to say that e Now f I am concerned about myself.
Because of this wonderful double bind, the client becomes kundln.
That is, I came to know whether a client becomes a visitor or a complainant depends on the therapist.
It seems that the essence of Urgenfs constructivism is coming out here.
A eproblemf for a client is problem because he considers, it as a meaningful problem.
A problem is not because it is simply a problem.
In the same way, it depends on a therapist whether a client is a visitor or a kundln by making it meaningful.
g In this job therapists give hope to their clients g he said.
So in order to do this, he says, g the world is not a universe but a emultiversef g.
The problem is not about what is a mistake and is not a mistake but how and in what way he can encourage a client to help himself to find more plentiful options than what he has.
In order to carry out this aim, he doesnft use g be g but g seem to be g.
That is, therapist can put a clientfs present situation not in the context that a clientfs present situation is fixed, but in the context that a clientfs situation is in a changing process.
By doing this, it makes it possible for therapists to find solutions to a problem.
I felt that he was intending to use a message used in a therapy in order to support the solution of a clientfs problem, whether it is verbal or nonverbal.
His way of using his words naturally comes to induce a process of change solve a problem.
That is, his wards have a binding force to lead to a process for solution, not only for a client but also for a therapist.
Thatfs s really therapeutic conversation.
He said when he met a client for the first time.
The person responsible for the interview was the client himself and whether he would have another interview or not depended on the client.
He also said, when a therapist felt that a session was not good for him, it was when a client would change therapist then by all means the therapist should be more careful.
A client, this is, a kundln is an expert.
In this idea of his, I feel his thorough respect for a client.
I have the same feeling as S.F.A. in hearing his words regarding the questions of the participants of the workshop.
Asking a clientfs solution and exceptions resources is good.
Although it may cause a certain tension between a therapist and a client, it helps you to understand what a client waits say, and it finally helps a therapist to feel comfortable.
His explanation relaxed me when he showed me about a break.
That is if it were S.F.A., the effect would be emphasized, and it would surely come out naturally.
He said g I have never taken a break during a session for these seven years, because I can take part in all the process during a session g.
I could finally understand that his approach based on constructivism was not either MRI brief therapy nor S.F.A .of BFTC but his approach was re-constructed again by him by adopting their good points.
It was not until the end of the workshop that I accepted Urgenfs constructivism in my mind.
About short term treatment he talked about both MRI or BFTC, he did not tell us that a method of a treatment most be g this way g but told us how we carried a spirit of a short term treatment starting from MRI brief therapy, which has been an original idea of a therapy.
But what on earth did three pieces of string which were on the desk.
The mystery remains to be seen.